17

Soft subtle noises surrounding
The calm evaporates, leaving me
Is all this worth enduring the pounding?
Paranoia beckoning like a person shouting BELIEVE IN ME
The hardest it’s been yet
Taunting, tempting “here is your safety”
and for a moment I believed I could forget
You are a part of me but it can’t save me
You are the brain inside my head
and you try to persuade me into the ocean
One drop wouldn’t bury the urge dead
It would be one step leading to the spiraling motion

I’ve learned too much to ignore
There’s too much to uproot and throw away
These knees won’t buckle, I won’t fall to the floor
The moods and urges pass like hours and days
My grip may loosen upon myself
but I know what it takes to reach and take hold
It’s not security, this hand can’t be re-dealt
Abusive, obsessive, weak but I can’t fold
The good outweighs the bad
Though at times it does feel severe
I could scream and shout and get mad
It would be a waste, so a different way I’ll steer

No I will not be just another message in a bottle
Unheard, barely floating, lost at sea
I’m trying to find my speed, adjusting the throttle
Without it, I’m finally able to see
I know I can’t live with broken glass in my eyes
So I’ve pulled it out, the bleeding will stop
It will not be the end of me, it won’t be my demise
I am climbing and one day I’ll reach the top

Thoughts?

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