Paul, Please Pick Up

The best people leave quicker than they came
They can’t stay, they have to go
They become the benchmark
And no one seems to measure up
It’s all pale and getting paler
Life, love, hope, dreams, goals
One after the other
Like a snowball rolling through the rusty and rotten
It’s supposed to happen another way
The white is meant to be a blank sheet
A canvas ready to be painted
A block of clay ready to be shaped
They say it is, they told me so
Why would they lie?
Then again they said a child…
They said bearing a child would heal me
That it would remake me
It hurt on the way out
And it hasn’t stopped, it never stops

I don’t have friends, I can’t find or make any
The ones that matter are so far away
Did they have to go because of me?
I don’t know, I can’t make sense of anything
The thing everyone said would help just won’t stop SCREAMING
I’m sure she’d leave if she was able
If she knew how to
Does she know I see her as a mistake?
A horrid screaming burden
I can’t hear myself think, I can’t hear anything
And all I want to hear is your voice
I missed your call, I live in chaos
It never stops, I’m never calm
Unless your voice is in my ear
I want to call you back but I just don’t know
Will you pick up or will I miss you?
Well I already miss you
I hope you won’t mind her screaming in the background
I wish I could put her in my background
Is that awful of me?
Am I a terrible mother?
A terrible person?
Is that why you HAD to go?
Is that why I’m all alone?
Is that why no one cares?
Isn’t there someone out there that cares?
There has to be, right?
I don’t know why I bother asking, everyone always lies
It’s all lies
Never ending lies
Never ending and deafening

Thoughts?

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