Realizer Episode 2: Never Into Forever

An unseen line was there all along
and another line was there to prove it
Their separate voices filled each others ears
and in that surreal moment
He felt for the first time that his pursuit
Was never in vain but in his veins
Their similar but divided urge to end
Brought them together

When the separation of singular nights collided
Something new began
Neither was meant to subdue alone
So together they came to struggle onward
With his help and his love she managed
To kick all the substances
It was so much easier than she ever thought
The addictions and afflictions couldn’t dissolve without withdrawals
He rose to every challenge, her very own warrior
The person she could be was shown to him
Within their very first embrace
Like a road-map the image helped guide his every touch
Her demons were strong and intimidating
but still he took them all on
As if they were all merely cockroaches
She became new within his touch and his love
A lifetime of yesterdays fell aside
Their own romantic rebirth
He gave her everything possible
All the little things she never could have
Properly dreamed of lived in his hands
and he passed them all to her
Together they fought and triumphed over darkness
His love, all that makes up who he is
Was transferred to her
and slowly the sowed seeds sprouted and blossomed
but love wasn’t the only thing growing…

He has to stop and just marvel at it
There’s no pavement before him
but the emotions are speeding by
All that he ever wished for
Everything he ever wanted
Is standing there, right in front of him
She’s akin to a skyscraper
So tall and slender and that way she walks
…he is captivated
and it’s fascinating, her height
Yet she’s been so low for so long
but together they’ve remedied that
His presence is a promise of patience
He’ll never give up on her

The tiny spiders brought them together
and they grew wings, flew into one
They stood opposite for what seemed like a lifetime
and it really was
because this life they have now is brand new
The invisible walls of separation
Have become gravel beneath their feet

There were plenty of possible exits
Every moment that turned to another month
He proved that there was nothing that could make him leave her
Every passing minute added to their mountain
Here at the peak, there’s a chance to relax
To revel in what they’ve made together
but her fears and insecurities remain
Surely an everlasting struggle
Still he tries to rid her of these things
Constantly showing her that he is her shelter
and she is always amazed by his patience
“How can you be so great, so perfect to me?”
His reply, though short, floors her
“because you are everything.”
She takes him and melts around him
Unlike any before, she feels divine
A perfectly passionate paradise
She gives and he gives, back and forth in unison
A natural high far beyond the clouds
If this is what heaven is like
Then why should their lives have to end?
After, there’s no need to exchange words
For they have exchanged something beyond the limits of language
Together they blended and proved their shared love
Something that’s felt deeper than bodies could ever go
At ease, they share smiles and close their eyes

She blinks to find herself in dangerous disaster
Running through familiar shadows
Or are the shadows running through her?
Blinded by a reflecting and refracting shimmer
An unmistakable taste tickles her tongue
She hears the soft clatter of her own footsteps
and the increasingly deafening sound of terror
A deep seeded sense of urgency overcomes her
but she’s weak and succumbs to the torch
Her eyes snap open and she’s within his arms
“Darling, it’s all right.  I am here.
You were only dreaming, just a dream.”
She rolls into him as he wipes the water away
Her heart flutters and switches speeds
She’s sweetly soothed by his vibrating heart

Through him, she found the pulse of life
and she truly loves him, which catches her off guard
She never dreamed it was possible
but she has dreamed something and she can’t shake it
It’s been tarnishing things, she’s slipping downward
This dream has cast a shadow upon what should be
A perfect memory
and she must attempt to illuminate the truth of it

She begins trudging down those familiar streets
In an attempt to fish out the murky details
Replaying memories covered in blood and vomit
She doesn’t feel attached to any of these sights
He helped her kick much more than addictions
The places that once seemed like home
Do not any more, he is her home,
and the chemical cuffs no longer hold her down
His love gave her wings
and yet she’s back here, alone
Her thoughts frighten her to the core
Where is this path leading me?
Why couldn’t I have found the strength to tell him?
and why on earth did I come here alone?
An intricately beautiful spider web catches her eye
Collected rain drops, from the earlier showers,
Are sparkling beneath the somber street lights
Is this all I am?
The same web with a little added shine?

He’s beginning to really worry, she left with a kiss
A little distracted touch with no further explanation
She’s never gone for this long
Where could she have run off to?
Though he has become accustomed to waiting
He thought this was behind her
and this is the only time that the waiting has been difficult
He needs her by his side tonight
There’s this lingering feeling he can’t move away from
and so he cries out to her:
“Darling, it’s time to return to me.”

She looks upward, away from the web,
To see a certain star
Shining ever so brightly
It’s as if it is breathing and beating
She can almost hear words shooting through the open air
and her heart begins pounding and pulsing
Something is trying to tell her:
It is time to return home.

Realizer Episode 1: Subdue or Pursue

Under the cover of darkness
The young and reckless
She falls over
No one around to hold her hair
She believes no one wants to care
“Life ain’t fair”
If only she knew
It could all fade, her blue
but he doesn’t know what to do
All she wants is a helping hand
but he doesn’t think he can
Uncertainty, nerves
So he hides within the herd
Waiting for the right words

She feels broken
Always perceived to be joking
“Breathing is more like choking.”
To the rest:
She is seen as a mess
Called a pest
Substance abuse, her way of coping
Dreaming hoping
That there is more
That there is someone who doesn’t see a whore
He is scared to open the door
Doubts he is worthy of being happy
Denies his heart, in fear of being perceived sappy

She gives new meaning to alcoholic
Drinks until she gets sick
After the vomit
She doesn’t take the hint
No need for a mint
Everything about her is beautiful to him
He feels like loving her is a sin
In his eyes, her light is far from dim
He drives himself up a wall
She has it all
She is too busy with the abuse
To notice it’s no use
He dreams of a noose
“There’s not a damn thing to gain
Suffocation is the answer to this pain
There’s a reason they are called dreams
In real life those things aren’t seen.”
His torment consumes
His life, a prison-like room
All he feels is gloom
She wants to leave with a boom
Her thoughts lack any real process
Her fractured mind is a mess
She fears dying without knowing a loving caress
The one nighters make her feel worse
“Is this life a curse?”

Twisting and turning, he awakes
He rises and shakes
The dust, “Hello nightfall”
He walks out to the hall
She’s home with an eight-ball
Locked away from the world
He is heading out for a glimpse of the girl
But she is nowhere to be found
Walking turns to stomping the ground
He sits and orders a bowl of chowder
She’s home preparing the powder
He thinks “What’s the point of hope?
I like the idea of a tightening rope.”
He strolls home and she’s knee deep in dope
She’s outside her mind
He searched but didn’t find
Now he places the chair under the noose
She’s really feeling the blues
Her eye spies a shimmer
He has lost the glimmer
She grips the knife
“I’ve had enough of this life
and all its strife.”
With a deep breath he stands
“This is what fate demands
Well if I believed.”
Upon the chair he feels relieved
But then regret consumes, he never achieved
She gazes at the blade
Ready to let life fade
Her mind turns to coherent thoughts
He is feeling so distraught
Both ready to be taught
Both in desperate need of an outsider
He has tried to fight her
She moves the blade to her wrist as a spider
Shimmies down to her hand
Upon the chair he makes his own demand
But a small creature has another plan
He feels the eight legs upon his face
Without thinking he steps down to resume the chase
She puts knife away
“My life doesn’t end today
Thanks little icky spider for showing me the way.”

She makes herself a promise
He decides to continue and not go through with this
He burns the rope
She flushes the dope
Unaware of the struggle that is ahead
The spider’s high doesn’t last, she returns to wishing she was dead
She tries to change, avoids the usual spots
He doesn’t, love can’t be fought
She tries to kick the drugs
And becomes fascinated with bugs
All he wants is her hugs
His pursuit results in nothing
She is fiending for a fix, doesn’t matter what just something
Exhausted lungs, hoarse throat so she is craving a few pills
He thinks of her and still gets chills
Her, his sight hasn’t seen
and she hasn’t graced his dreams
He feels hollow
Nothing to follow
She has no pills to swallow
She has no one to call so
Her fingers dial a random number
He awakes from a deep slumber
He left the ringer loud
The voice he hears shoots him to the clouds
She asks if he has something to numb her
He asks how did she get his number
They both never believed in destiny
but they both know this was meant to be.

Strangers and Skeletons

A clanging collision, the sound of fallen beauty
She lays battered but smiles when she sees me
Words muffled beneath her plump punctured lips
I reach down and she braces for another hit
A surprised glance, “it’s chasing me, chasing so fast”
Pushing aside the uncertainty, I put on the mask
A feigning care is better than no care
I pick her up and her eyes erupt like a flare
My every action comes to her as shock and awe
She’s not simply a person with physical flaws
Struggling, I withhold all my questions
We continue onward, only one direction
Sanctuary is all she needs tonight
With a little lie, Girl, it’ll be all right.

I wipe away the tears, blood, and smeared mascara
She cowers and looks away, “My…name is…Clara.”
How can someone be so ashamed
To utter their own name?
Cleansed, her true beauty now shines
Something tells me I should make her mine
but I push that thought away as well
I’ve done enough to insure my ticket to hell
Laid down to sleep it all off
An innocent touch, her skin is so soft
How could anyone hurt her like this?
but then I remember of this world’s darkness

Fast asleep, lost in my own mind
The strange truth of dreams to find
Don’t you know what she is?
A shadow’s cryptic quiz
Truthfully, she has earned every wound,
She’s no flower, there’s no way for her to bloom
She frayed and will be fileted under the moon.
What is this dreaming horror?
You are close, whore is her.
I snap myself awake with a new idea
It only matters how I see her
To my surprise she is wide awake
In her eyes, beaming around her I see fate
“Can you take me by my place?”
There’s no way I could deny that face

She tells me to wait outside
After a few moments, doubt flies
I enter cautiously to find her
It’s strange how I long to be beside her
A scratching sound and a familiar voice
It seems I’ve made the right choice
Shadows engulf the room
A figure enters with a boom
and I know now, that dream was definitely real
He’s here to take her but she’s not his to steal
YOU didn’t heed my warning, she DEFINES deception
A love stung boy like you lacks proper perception.
I’m no boy and she’s not yours to take
  The one who hides in the shadows is fake
  How about you show yourself?
Just take a look around on the shelf
Boy, I am everywhere and nowhere
I’m what has made this lady you find so fair.

Suddenly, her tears fall like rain drops
Surrounding me, growing my feelings like hungry crops
His shape changes under the water around
He intends to drag her further down
and I can’t allow it, I won’t surrender
I have more than just befriended her
So fast, so quickly she is my everything
Despite the mysterious passed wings
With a deep breath, I incite a new conflict
If it’s a disease then surely I am sick
I shove him back behind the closed door
but I couldn’t prevent the whispering before
Her guilt slams through like a new intruder
The past has painfully penetrated her

Consoled, we begin anew
Onward unto days lined true
Because it all doesn’t matter to me
The future is all there is to see

The Hands of Time

Two, seemingly connected yet completely apart
Individuality separates but can bring together
Though in some cases, well it’s just not the case

They both felt and hoped it could work
They wished to be one
It all came apart
They were never really together
The difference and the distance
A mountain they could not traverse
He chose to close the book
As much as it hurt him to say goodbye
He took her by the hand
The tears fell like rain from her eyes
As nice as he could be yet it wasn’t enough
and at the same time it was too much
He said: “I can’t be the one to help you find yourself
I’m still finding myself.”
The tears melted into flames
Pure anger in her eyes
She stomped off in a fit of rage
and so began the silence
He did all he could
Gave her everything he had to give
She was trapped behind a locked door
and none of his keys fit the lock

As they turned
The hands turned
Spinning turmoil like a mental virus
How can two come apart if they never really were together?

He was shocked by how he stayed in one piece
Until she decided to speak again
She opened her mouth and led him down a guilt trip
This time he was the silent one
Her anger pulsated through every syllable
Like throbbing flesh penetrated by a dull knife
He remained speechless
As her daggers of immaturity were aimed to cut his flesh
She turned and walked away
He thought of stopping her
but he couldn’t decide if he really wanted her to stay
The words she shot at him
Built a jagged cliff for him to stand upon

Guided by the hands
Guided by the ticks
Two individuals going round and round

The final words she spoke to him
Embodied a threat that she took lightly
Somehow he managed to lift himself and step away from the ledge
With a realization he is set free
She faded from his mind, as much as she could
The heart does not forget

Passing by, time is no cure
Speeding by, time doesn’t stop

He knows…
She doesn’t and faults him
Silence is their king
She tries, in her mind she’s right
The distance illuminates one
and overshadows the other
He makes her cry
Deep inside she knows the truth
but the tools aren’t sharp enough
and that’s where time comes in again
Like a speeding train derailed before destination

He expects…
Part of him is waiting for the day
That the words turn true
but he has turned away
Yet still his mind turns back to her

Everything is controlled by the hands
The two hands of time
More has now passed
Days turned into months
A passing thought, leads him back to her
He follows the path set before him
Only to find her bloodied
Her outsides painted with her insides
His sense of time evaporates
Eyes locked on her knees, bruised
His brain stricken with prior knowledge
Yet he hopes she knelt while praying to her god

She turned away for one final time
and she actually got what she wanted
He is by her side
Ever cynical, he chuckles “she’s still unavailable”
He leans in close and wants to
but he can’t bring himself to touch her
A lonely tear lingers upon her cheek
The final action of her life
Looking in her lifeless eyes,
He wishes he could raise her up
“Isn’t that what got you in trouble before?”
His inner voice is correct
and so a final farewell he whispers:
You didn’t have to.

Both reaching and moving
They meet and touch
but never could they be one
The differences that separate
Subtle but enough to keep them solitary
They are both the right and the wrong
Different speeds, they tick along
Never stopping never-ceasing
Providing the rhythm and the measurement of life
The hands of time

The Statue and The Siren

My daily travels take me past a guy
Not much older than I
He stands on the corner
Looking across the street
Three stories up
Within his eyes
Within his stance
I catch a glimpse of love
Infant stages
Not yet blossomed into a flower
I tilt my focus upward to see
A silhouette behind the shades
Her figure has him entranced
I am not sure what it is he sees
Is it possible to love a shadow?

As I head about my business
He wanders into my thoughts
It’s silly
The shady lady should be thinking of him
Upon my way home
I pause for a moment
Expecting to see a trace of him
On the corner that he stood this morning
Pausing to think I hope the day comes
Where he gets exactly what it is he is after

Another early day
The dew and the sounds
Call to me
The city’s song instills a smile
I find myself near his spot again
Earlier than usual
I sit on a nearby bench
and indulge myself
The unhealthy things in life have a hold
A new sensation overcomes me
He is approaching
I am hooked on this
Fascinated by the human condition
Like a part-time statue
He takes his place upon the corner

I glance down at my wrist
There’s still time to be spent here
I look up to see the statue walking away
Something’s happened
In that brief moment I turned away
Eyes tilted upward to see
Her shades drawn open
She must have signaled to him
Or perhaps he took it as a sign
I would like to think that he saw through the shades
Cause she is definitely a vision of beauty
I see her turn towards her door
He must of knocked
She turns her back
Slides to the floor
Out of my view
What is this?
I fully expected a face to face exchange
I hoped to see an embrace between strangers

As much as it pains me
There is business to attend to
I have responsibilities
One last glance upward as I stand
She’s out of view
I hope there are words being sent through the closed-door
My feet now in motion
Onward unto another day
Brain tuned to constant thinking of the statue and the siren

Finally free
I set out with utter urgency
Off in the distance and deep within
I see and I feel that something is not right
Flashing lights go speeding by
My heart skips and hops over a few beats
The city is oddly quiet
Many have come to stand and observe
I push my way through the crowd
The smell of a dying fire
The glow of blue and red lights
The thud of ambulance doors closing
Flesh to metal, signaling the take off
Looking at the scene before me
A lonely tear flows downward
The flashing lights reflected within it
Looking down I realize
Where I stand now, is where he stood
and I wonder what exactly happened here
This cannot be how it ends
I am invested in this and it just fades like this?
Adjusting my feet to align like his once were
I tilt my head up and shut my eyes
Remembering what this place used to look like
Envisioning what it should have looked like tonight
I stand motionless in mourning
As the world around me moves on
The excitement passes and with it the crowd
It all returns to the way it was
The city sings it’s song
I stand in his spot wishing it was different
Her place was doused and extinguished
I whisper to myself
“How did this happen?”

I have become the statue
Through hearing the siren’s song
I take one last look around
Knowing I have to let all this go
I cannot let it hold me or drag me down
The street is normal now
The only proof of what happened here is above
I am a bystander
An oblivious passerby
Just before I turn to walk away
Something beckons me
I follow the invisible path to the unknown
That sweet metallic smell fills my pulsating nostrils
A clanging sound as something hits the pavement
It rolls into view, a bloody kitchen blade
The statue, he has been smashed
What once stood tall across the street
Now lays here, broken
I see the guilt as it spurts from his open wrists
Picking up the knife, I slash the sleeves off of my jacket
Tying tightly around his wounds
Raising this familiar stranger up on his feet
In his eyes I see the truth
and realize he doesn’t want me to call for help
He thanks me and disappears into the night
I should be worried
but I showed him that this world doesn’t have to be cold
I know he knows now
and to think if I had left with the crowd
He would be dying, broken and tortured on the chilly pavement
Instead he has been repaired
The statue recast and rectified
and his love, the siren has ended
like the echoing sound that accompanies the red and blue
Now turned to the off position

Darkness Breeds Weakness

Running through a maze like floor-plan
Who designed this?
Who lives here?
Accompanied by a faceless shadow
Unknown identity
Searching for a truth
Seems just out of reach
Sprinting through the glamorous hallways
Filled with treasures
Walls lined with works of art
Frantically scurrying about
Examining every nook and cranny
What are we looking for?
At this point it’s clearer
A portion of the curtain
Peeled back
A mysterious figure eludes us
He requires a savior
He’s found himself amongst danger
Some unspeakable unimaginable evil
Lurks and gives chase

Details of this world are vivid
While others are trapped
Within a dense fog
Lopsided vision
20/20 and blurry blind
The never ending picturesque halls
Seem to shift
Seem to spin
I can feel his presence
Yet unknown

At last face to face
Clean shaven
His unmistakeable eyes
Glare into mine
Kindred spirits he and I
His eyes tell a story
He is terrified
Trembling in fear
I reach down to raise him
Out from his hiding place

His grasp is weak within mine
Shaking, sweat soaked palms
This cannot be real
The tables have turned
How have I become
The strong one?
Whatever this is
Whoever lurks
I feel the fear
Transferring and consuming me
I have to fight this
I must focus on the strength
That lives within
Not for me
but for the others

He tries to speak
but only dust escapes his mouth
He points
I turn and the other
The shadowy one
Is illuminated then yanked
Into the foggy darkness
I stand in horror
Accompanied with a horrible truth
I could only get to know him
Through his demise
My heart jumps
As I feel a pulling
The weak one
Yanking me away
Down through another creepy hallway
What are we running from?
He cannot speak
So I don’t bother saying it out loud

Behind us I notice
The lights flicker and fade
What ever IT may be
The curiosity is getting to me
He is struggling to keep up
The fog thickens in front of us
I feel something guiding us
I sense light ahead
It’s time to allow our spirits
Guide us
Lead us
To what ever it is
This bright feeling
This lighted feeling
This sense of safety
My mind calms
The whirlwind of questions ceases
A thought enters
but not mine
“I don’t think I can make it”
I look and he nods
Another voice
A sweeter voice
A voice with direction
With guidance
She says:
“You know.
You know what must be done.”

Without a second thought
Without any thought
I stop
Turn and face the black
I think and hope he receives
My transmission
Like I did his:

Press on brother.
You must go on without me
For all you have done for me
I will sacrifice my life
In hopes that you will find freedom
In hopes that you will save more
The way you saved me
If you can hear this
Then know, you may leech
My strength from me
So you may continue
Listen to the light
She will guide you home.

I don’t look back
I hear his footsteps
With more urgency now
It must have worked
I feel it consume me
The fear, his fear
His weakness
My palms feel like ponds
With my last bit of strength
I stand tall
Raise my arms out
Inviting this evil
Inviting my own demise
The darkness before me
Is darker than the insides
Of my eye lids
No flashes of my life
No flashes of mistakes
No need to fade to black
Just continuous black
Over as quick as it began

Before I pass into what’s next
What is after this life
I am shown
His escape
Outside of the dark mansion
Is an open field of opportunity
It’s bright and vibrant
The Sun shines bright
He looks up and his smile glistens
He must know
I am looking down
Finally my ears are graced with his voice
Two words
Two simple words
Echo and vibrate throughout the openness
I gave up my life for him
If what’s next is eternal punishment
That is fine
Because of me
There are others who will be saved
He has my strength
Along with his own
Off in the distance
Beyond the field
I see dark clouds hovering
Over many souls
Through my sacrifice
They can be saved
They WILL be saved

I do not deserve eternal paradise
I do not deserve eternal suffering
I deserve what ever I am sentenced
The glimpse of the world ends
I feel a hand
Before me a shining staircase
With those gates at the top
As I approach they swing open
I will be judged
but I have no regrets
I did the best I could
At every turn
I know HE knows that
Again for me
There is no escape
I ended life
Surrounded by darkness
I begin this new life
Surrounded by light
A blinding light
Accompanied with
A booming yet calming voice
Within the darkness
I held my head high
Within the light
I bow my head
I wished to see the face
Of the darkness
I am not allowed to see the face
Of the light
He silences my voice
Quiets the inner voice
I feel out of control
I am out of control
As I approach
The Almighty

And Now… Stalker Story-Time!

The sounding nuisance rings
Which triggers footsteps
Is it possible? Love lurks in the shadows
A deranged feeling of love, perhaps
Some may look down on him
Others may turn their noses up
Throwing metaphoric stones
For him this is the closest
He will ever come to love
It’s sad really
I may not know love
but I believe
I strongly believe it lies for all

This odd fellow practices a routine
Under the cover of darkness
He awaits for the clock
To tell him when to depart
He dresses in the same clothing each night
Someone may want to tell him
The stench may give him away
He sits in the bushes outsider her home
The rules, yes there are rules
He yearns to know her name
And he could learn it
but he just watches
Sure he knows parts of her schedule
It’s a federal offense to tamper with anothers mail
He doesn’t call her
In a sick way the whole thing it’s
It’s really rather romantic

I can’t really fault him
I feel bad but
Hey it works for him
“To each his own”, I suppose
Every night he observes her
As she cooks
As she eats
As she watches TV
Okay you are just disturbed
If he doesn’t raid her mailbox
He isn’t going to watch her in the bathroom
Damn, I thought I made it clear
There are strict rules to this “routine”

His approach is admirable
A respectful stalker
I am not perfect
I have no right to judge another
I can empathize with him
Maybe he has a similar mind to my own
I can’t say he is wrong
I can’t label him evil
He is a tad unorthodox
but he hasn’t crossed the line
If someone doesn’t want another
peeking in their windows just shut the curtains
You may not agree with him
but that’s the beauty of it
You don’t have to!
Should he seek professional help?
Maybe but to me it doesn’t help
Paid to listen not paid to care
He isn’t masturbating in the bushes
He doesn’t follow her everywhere
I look at it like this:
It’s not really that different from watching TV

I don’t know what goes on in that
Head of his nor do I pretend to
I can’t speak for him
but it seems like he is doing all right
And you don’t know, she may be aware of him
His actions may offend
but you must agree
That there are far worse people
Amongst us
It’s a shame really
Cause he will most likely be noticed and locked away
While the nation continues to manufacture serial killers
Yes, Manufacture.
Turn the TV on
Between Criminal Minds and CSI
Millions are watching
I don’t even care to know the percentage
That have had the thought.
Nothing can convince someone to kill
It’s something that is already there
Psychosis isn’t learned
It’s part of who you are
If you are psychotic
I do think various forms of entertainment
Are providing ideas and fueling the fire
That burns inside the world’s maniacs
For me, violent entertainment cures the urge to kill
and for him his viewing entertainment
is solely a lovely woman
Going about her nightly routine
I do pray for him
I hope one day he finds
A conventional love
but what is normal?
Do you fit into the definition?
I do not
and he does not.
Rejoice in your abnormalities!