Bean

And I believe we can grow
Even if we can’t let go
Some are hidden and some show
Our own rigid scars to bear
No torment doesn’t play fair
It all seems too much to wear

Tell me, how can this be?
The windshield is dirty
All I want is to see
But it’s unclean always
The sight lost, gone for days
Wish it was just a phase

I see the sky empty
Lingering above me
Could I pay you a fee?
Is there an entity
With the power desired?
Just melt that gun with fire
and prove that you exist
Until then, I’ll resist

I can’t wash it away
You’re scattered every day
Trembling hands made the choice
Life is lacking your voice
Lost in an explosion
Can’t reverse the chosen
I knelt before the calling
and found what was falling

and though the windshield’s dirty
I found what was left for me
My own living memory
Overlooked and out of sight
A place bathed in shining light
Where growth keeps on through the night

A Chapter Called Mistake

There is nothing that can be said
Perhaps oceans are what’s left of broken hearts
Waves mimic the feelings that crash as reminders
He said he was loyal
He fucking said he was as loyal as they come
but can anyone be that loyal?
Now he’s trembling and screaming
but there’s no one around to hear
There’s no one
because she is hurting
and he is guilty
Whispering, shouting thoughts in his mind
“If there ever was a reason to be perfect
It is you.
Darling, I wish I could be perfect just for you.”
He knows the way he is now
Is the very definition of unworthy
She’s away but he knows there’s tears
and he tore the path that her tears take

He’s undeserving of a destiny
Maybe she could forgive but again
He feels so unworthy, he hasn’t earned a damn thing
“Just shut your lying deceptive mouth.”
He stands shouting in the mirror
There’s a punishment that must be placed upon him
but the one that is probably coming
Is the one he would give ANYTHING to avert
“Darling don’t push me away,
I’m weak, oh so weak at times
but you’re the reason to be strong.
How could I forget in that moment?”
He’s talking to her but she’s not available
Not even interested
The waves of memories crashing upon her
Is he destined to be another on the pile?
He doesn’t want to be, NO HE DOESN’T WANT TO BE
but it’s out of his hands
He made his choice and it was wrong
and in turn she’s wronged
“Is there someone out there that can tear this heart out?
I am unworthy of it, smash through my rib cage
and release that which lives inside.
I’ve ignored it, I am undeserving of it’s beating presence.”

It’s all futile
The chapter titled Mistake has been written
and all that’s left are pieces on the floor
He could collect them and put it back together
but it wouldn’t be right
Nothing will ever be right again without her hand
and her hand has become a fist
Sir, fall to your knees and accept what you created
Sir, close your eyes and accept what you destroyed
but he stands with fight in his eyes
“My dear you are worth fighting for
but I need you to tell me what I can do.”
He’ll scream inside while waiting for a response
That may never come
His part of the chapter has been written
The pages are in her hands now
but what will she write?

Burning To Be Cold

Sometimes I feel invisible
but I know I am noticed
Yeah I saw you with the serial slaughtering smile
Maybe you should keep that to yourself
She walks by and I see the tension
I also see her glancing subtly out of the corner
of those gorgeous eyes
Wish she would speak something
And others I wish would commit to silence
Diarrhea mouthful of nonsense
Shooting shit just for the sake of silencing the silence
If your mouth shoots nonsense is that a reflection
of what lives inside your head?
It’s getting harder to ignore the ignorance
Searching for sense in the senseless
I’m burning inside
The passion of my internal being
has nothing to burn but that which it calls home
Shown a vision of a dead star
the light dies
Is it proper to take that as a sign?
But what would it take for the passion
to fizzle out and leave me frozen?
Focus your icy ways onto me
Hand me hypothermia and heartbreak
Stand with me on the thin ice
Drop the boulder
Leave me to drown
My body will become a popsicle
but my soul will remain warm for you

Emoceans

Inside my head, I swim through this strange silly sea.  Emotions crash over me like waves, each being a polar opposite of the prior.  Left here longing for our current to pass in unison.  Can’t we drift together or at least crash into one another?  I want to be the one to save you from drowning.  Would you let me drown in you?  You may use me to stay afloat, it would be an honor.  I could then feel a passing sense of purpose.  I tread, ready to accept the suffocation if it meant you and I would be one if only for a moment.  The smile wouldn’t have to be forced.  But you are Pacific and I, Atlantic.  My hand doesn’t reach that far and neither does yours.