Turn Away, Tyrant

The late night, early morning hours do not belong to me
It’s a choice I made long ago
I surrender the ownership of my nights
but daylight is mine
Though I do not witness the majestic morning arrival
and same goes for the departure of the sun
I have made my peace and I will reclaim the vision
and the ownership but for now, they are not mine

I am surrounded by the bitter taste of complacency
but they do not realize it’s all their choice
Just like mine
I choose to let the focus fade
and obsess over better things
I know and I see that the ones that reign over us
do not concern themselves with our well-being
Why should they?
and let’s flip the coin…
Why should we care?

Remember, you get what you pay for

Beneath

Go wet your whistle, if you must
Play your fiddle but don’t expect a fuss
I am much more than what I allow you to see
When every breath is laced with finality
Can you enjoy the bitter taste of honesty?
I do not need you to poison me further
I’m doing well enough on my own.  Don’t shirt her,
Write your promises in the shining sand
Nature is the only one giving commands
That we must follow, there is no choice
Don’t bother raising your voice
We only hear what we choose to
Which tune do you sing the blues to?
How can that be so bad?
The sky isn’t looking to make you sad
Look up and silently praise your lord
Its not for everyone, an acquired chord
In softened solitude, follow your religion
Don’t preach to me because you think I’m sinning
I see you are much worse off than I
I’m uncomfortable with all the lies
Tainting our hollowing souls like cheap dye
Quietly I disagree, it’s not worth it to try
and explain the way I see it
Your view of everything is shit
Perhaps it’d be better just to quit
But there’s no proof to guide me
I’m a chip so just swiftly slide me

The memories I hold onto are ghosts
and often it all grabs me and chokes
A playing card in the spokes
I’m doing fine taking life from my own lungs
My silence is not to be broken for fun
I stumble as I reach for the next rung
The truth is a song that remains unsung
We are all so misguided and deceptive
We only celebrate when it is festive
You and I take everything for granted
Perception is important but it’s often slanted
Blowing out candles, when we need the fuel
You don’t want to be just a step stool
So tell me why am I yours?
I’m exhausted from the attention whores
Sick of feeling like much of life is a chore

I choose silence over stabbing others with my tongue
Sorry, I don’t see how you can say you’re having more fun
I lack the energy to follow the voice saying RUN
So many need to take a one way trip into the sun
Their words said and their lives done.

Storytellers

The colors seem to brighten and fill the voids
Are my senses rising for the first time?
Is this an awakening?
Perhaps it’s just a line of thinking
That a fallen leaf has blown upon
A slave to the seasonal wheel,
Would I change it if I could?

A departed, lifeless love
Belly up, hell is shut
Beneath the crimson hood, a lying secret
Whispering in my ear, I want to pull away
but he takes hold:
“You make such a fuss over where you are,
When you should focus upon
The conflict you find yourself inside.”
Turning, trembling, does the meaning stand gleaming?

Light is dimming
I stand with my back to the sun
No, you can’t make me watch another leave
If you must go then go just don’t
Please don’t make me watch…

Reach inside, shake and shatter the reasons
This seeking creating brain is a blessing
but hell, what a burden

…Were they torn apart after I left?
The events false, a creation, imaginary
but do I actually believe that?
Should I just shove it all aside
because it wasn’t “real life”?
Who am I to define what is real and what is not?
Dreams are my own creation but a different part of me
So I can’t bring myself to define or destroy
If creation paves the way for destruction
Then why is one easier for me than the other?
There’s enough destruction
I am not capable of falling in line
but falling for a lie, that is another story…

The Statue and The Siren

My daily travels take me past a guy
Not much older than I
He stands on the corner
Looking across the street
Three stories up
Within his eyes
Within his stance
I catch a glimpse of love
Infant stages
Not yet blossomed into a flower
I tilt my focus upward to see
A silhouette behind the shades
Her figure has him entranced
I am not sure what it is he sees
Is it possible to love a shadow?

As I head about my business
He wanders into my thoughts
It’s silly
The shady lady should be thinking of him
Upon my way home
I pause for a moment
Expecting to see a trace of him
On the corner that he stood this morning
Pausing to think I hope the day comes
Where he gets exactly what it is he is after

Another early day
The dew and the sounds
Call to me
The city’s song instills a smile
I find myself near his spot again
Earlier than usual
I sit on a nearby bench
and indulge myself
The unhealthy things in life have a hold
A new sensation overcomes me
He is approaching
I am hooked on this
Fascinated by the human condition
Like a part-time statue
He takes his place upon the corner

I glance down at my wrist
There’s still time to be spent here
I look up to see the statue walking away
Something’s happened
In that brief moment I turned away
Eyes tilted upward to see
Her shades drawn open
She must have signaled to him
Or perhaps he took it as a sign
I would like to think that he saw through the shades
Cause she is definitely a vision of beauty
I see her turn towards her door
He must of knocked
She turns her back
Slides to the floor
Out of my view
What is this?
I fully expected a face to face exchange
I hoped to see an embrace between strangers

As much as it pains me
There is business to attend to
I have responsibilities
One last glance upward as I stand
She’s out of view
I hope there are words being sent through the closed-door
My feet now in motion
Onward unto another day
Brain tuned to constant thinking of the statue and the siren

Finally free
I set out with utter urgency
Off in the distance and deep within
I see and I feel that something is not right
Flashing lights go speeding by
My heart skips and hops over a few beats
The city is oddly quiet
Many have come to stand and observe
I push my way through the crowd
The smell of a dying fire
The glow of blue and red lights
The thud of ambulance doors closing
Flesh to metal, signaling the take off
Looking at the scene before me
A lonely tear flows downward
The flashing lights reflected within it
Looking down I realize
Where I stand now, is where he stood
and I wonder what exactly happened here
This cannot be how it ends
I am invested in this and it just fades like this?
Adjusting my feet to align like his once were
I tilt my head up and shut my eyes
Remembering what this place used to look like
Envisioning what it should have looked like tonight
I stand motionless in mourning
As the world around me moves on
The excitement passes and with it the crowd
It all returns to the way it was
The city sings it’s song
I stand in his spot wishing it was different
Her place was doused and extinguished
I whisper to myself
“How did this happen?”

I have become the statue
Through hearing the siren’s song
I take one last look around
Knowing I have to let all this go
I cannot let it hold me or drag me down
The street is normal now
The only proof of what happened here is above
I am a bystander
An oblivious passerby
Just before I turn to walk away
Something beckons me
I follow the invisible path to the unknown
That sweet metallic smell fills my pulsating nostrils
A clanging sound as something hits the pavement
It rolls into view, a bloody kitchen blade
The statue, he has been smashed
What once stood tall across the street
Now lays here, broken
I see the guilt as it spurts from his open wrists
Picking up the knife, I slash the sleeves off of my jacket
Tying tightly around his wounds
Raising this familiar stranger up on his feet
In his eyes I see the truth
and realize he doesn’t want me to call for help
He thanks me and disappears into the night
I should be worried
but I showed him that this world doesn’t have to be cold
I know he knows now
and to think if I had left with the crowd
He would be dying, broken and tortured on the chilly pavement
Instead he has been repaired
The statue recast and rectified
and his love, the siren has ended
like the echoing sound that accompanies the red and blue
Now turned to the off position

A Bug and A Bother

I will never understand
and that’s fine
We are all created so strangely
That’s what makes it all
So very interesting

How can someone approach
Something so beautiful with
The intention to destroy?

She was as pretty as a picture
The paint; bright and vivid
The canvas; sweet and pure

He was charismatic
A tall brooding tower
but inside…
He was far from noble;
Focused on one thing

I can’t blame her
When you’re young
You are trusting
There’s no reason not to be
Until there is a reason

Like always,
I sat back
I watched from afar
Believing in her strength
I would learn later
The heart is a powerful muscle
Sometimes it is misguiding

I saw her light magnify
The smile that could blind
He was playing her
She thought it was love
He had his mind set
On that one thing

She was following her heart
He was following his flesh

I watched from afar
What could I do?
None of my business really
and I could barely help myself
My own troubles were consuming
Watching as a beautiful person
Was destroyed didn’t help my mind
but if I couldn’t save myself
How could I save her?
She was following her heart
No one can argue with that

He got what he wanted
and left her in the cold
I couldn’t stand up to him
I was already on thin ice
Had to fly under the radar
Wouldn’t of worked out well for me anyways
but I would of been able to say:
I was bloodied and bruised
From standing up for what is right

I saw the pain
The heartache in her eyes
My precious friend
Sometimes I saw something more
I wish I was stronger back then
but I was just a troubled kid
Who barely survived my own mistakes
Through fear, I choked
I made the choice to embrace my fear

I hope and pray
All these years later
That she is perfectly happy
That she found her prince charming
She’s one of the few people
That I actually wish
Would cross my path, once again

The Collisional Effect

I probably should approach it different
I am aware of how people can change
I know I have
Subtle differences I am still the same
Older “wiser”
I cannot change the feelings the memories
That are associated with your face
That go along with your presence
There is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING
That I want to say to you
NOT A DAMN THING
You may have moved on
You may have forgotten
To me the hurt remains
To me you are the same
No matter how much time passes
No matter how different you appear
Time does not erase everything
I remember every judgement
I remember every betrayal
Every cold shoulder
Every nose curled up
Every drop of saliva
That was aimed at me
I fucking remember
The cuts are still here
The cuts from your words
From your eyes
From your absence
You should have been the one to die
Instead the ones that reached down
The ones that were there
Were taken from me
Stolen for what?
So I can be left here with
douche-bags like you?
It’s all some cruel joke
Countless die in monthly natural disasters
and scumbags roam freely
Tell me why anyone wants to live in this world
Minute sense of happiness
then gravity kicks in
Back to the bottom
For some reason I am forced
I am shoved into these interactions
The exchange of pleasantries
For what reason?
My path must lead me to this
for some reason
It’s never anyone I want to converse with
I wish I could tell you
How I feel
Tell you about the pain
I am far too respectful and polite
For my own good
It tears me up inside
After all this time
All the years that have passed
I am still coming to grips
I am still healing from the pain
Every day is another stumble
I feel like I am inching closer
but your appearances
Our collisions don’t exactly help
It all comes crashing back
The dam breaks and I drown
In the water I have slowly come to tread
You push me back into deeper waters
I am forced to pull myself back to where I was
Swim back to the lifeboat
Knowing I could encounter another shark along the way
Knowing I will come face to face with another
Just like you
You are all the same
The ones I want to share space with
Are nowhere to be found
Maybe one day my path
Will cross their’s
And every time I encounter one of you
I can’t help but
pray that the fallen ones are all right
That they are looking down
Cheering for me
Maybe they are orchestrating things
and pushing me into these interactions
In hopes I learn
In hopes I grow
In hopes my strength improves
The random collisions may bring forth
Sour memories of the past
but it also calls upon memories
of the past
You cause me to vent
but you also cause me to cry
In remembrance of the ones taken away
Every tear is a
Glistening treat
Because you are such a douche
It makes me even more grateful
For the ones who actually gave a damn
So praise the dicks
They put it all in perspective
Just don’t tell them that

And Now… Stalker Story-Time!

The sounding nuisance rings
Which triggers footsteps
Is it possible? Love lurks in the shadows
A deranged feeling of love, perhaps
Some may look down on him
Others may turn their noses up
Throwing metaphoric stones
For him this is the closest
He will ever come to love
It’s sad really
I may not know love
but I believe
I strongly believe it lies for all

This odd fellow practices a routine
Under the cover of darkness
He awaits for the clock
To tell him when to depart
He dresses in the same clothing each night
Someone may want to tell him
The stench may give him away
He sits in the bushes outsider her home
The rules, yes there are rules
He yearns to know her name
And he could learn it
but he just watches
Sure he knows parts of her schedule
It’s a federal offense to tamper with anothers mail
He doesn’t call her
In a sick way the whole thing it’s
It’s really rather romantic

I can’t really fault him
I feel bad but
Hey it works for him
“To each his own”, I suppose
Every night he observes her
As she cooks
As she eats
As she watches TV
Okay you are just disturbed
If he doesn’t raid her mailbox
He isn’t going to watch her in the bathroom
Damn, I thought I made it clear
There are strict rules to this “routine”

His approach is admirable
A respectful stalker
I am not perfect
I have no right to judge another
I can empathize with him
Maybe he has a similar mind to my own
I can’t say he is wrong
I can’t label him evil
He is a tad unorthodox
but he hasn’t crossed the line
If someone doesn’t want another
peeking in their windows just shut the curtains
You may not agree with him
but that’s the beauty of it
You don’t have to!
Should he seek professional help?
Maybe but to me it doesn’t help
Paid to listen not paid to care
He isn’t masturbating in the bushes
He doesn’t follow her everywhere
I look at it like this:
It’s not really that different from watching TV

I don’t know what goes on in that
Head of his nor do I pretend to
I can’t speak for him
but it seems like he is doing all right
And you don’t know, she may be aware of him
His actions may offend
but you must agree
That there are far worse people
Amongst us
It’s a shame really
Cause he will most likely be noticed and locked away
While the nation continues to manufacture serial killers
Yes, Manufacture.
Turn the TV on
Between Criminal Minds and CSI
Millions are watching
I don’t even care to know the percentage
That have had the thought.
Nothing can convince someone to kill
It’s something that is already there
Psychosis isn’t learned
It’s part of who you are
If you are psychotic
I do think various forms of entertainment
Are providing ideas and fueling the fire
That burns inside the world’s maniacs
For me, violent entertainment cures the urge to kill
and for him his viewing entertainment
is solely a lovely woman
Going about her nightly routine
I do pray for him
I hope one day he finds
A conventional love
but what is normal?
Do you fit into the definition?
I do not
and he does not.
Rejoice in your abnormalities!

That which soothes falls
from the sky.
Drenched in disdain
Wash away everything
Soothed soaked
Do you feel the strength
blowing through?
Carry the weak,
The light
Collapsed and broken
No guidance in the sky
Only threatening flashes
of light
A display of dominance
Sounds of power.

Oh Mother,
I am sorry
Sorry for the blind
The unappreciative
We remain clueless
Oblivious to the lessons
You strike down
Hammer us with.
Hours pass into days
Surrounded by devastation
Only a passing moment
Do we mourn, pray
Then revert back into
routine
I am sorry
I am not able to
change it
Can change even come to be?
One body One voice
Momentary glances
Momentary listens
Quickly forgotten
We are a focused breed
Focused on selfish desires
No exception here
I am guilty.

Oh Mother,
You have disrupted
Shook the foundation
Nothing will change
Crumble it
Press reset
Though I fail to see
Fail to see a reset
Will bring a different result
Flawed creatures
Will remain flawed
A home built on imperfection
Will be imperfect
Is HOPE worth anything
When the truth is
UGLY.
Isn’t hope the same as denial?

Pro-nouns and Put-downs

You say the children don’t see
They aren’t aware of the difference.
Well there is NO DIFFERENCE
People are people
We are NOT skin tones
We are NOT items
to be categorized filed and dismissed.
Turn the label maker off
Throw it away.
Remove all
the stereotypical
the hateful
the racist
words from your vocab.
Let the derogatory names burn
Ignite love and compassion
Acceptance tolerance
Bring to the front

I want to cut
Cut your tongue out
Every time those words leave your mouth
Sever your lips from your face
All that you speak
Every word every syllable
is pure poison
You are infected diseased
but you don’t see the problem.
Unaware of the hatred you let slip
from your fork tongue
and you have the nerve
to call me a demon?
Are you truly that naive?
Are you really that blind?
You bottom feeder fire breathing
HYPOCRITE

I am so thankful that
I don’t see the world
See the world the way you do
Not one Not a single person
Deserves to be used abused and discarded
We are not objects
You cannot cram anyone into
a one word description.
People are not cars
Lined up in a parking lot
Waiting to be driven to
The End.

This nation was built on the idea
of a great melting pot
Have you forgotten?
or is this news to you?
We all melt blend together
We all bleed
and it’s all red.
The same metallic taste
courses through each of us.
We all return to the earth
become dust in the wind.

but I digress,
Your life your choice
Don’t be surprised when I tune you out
and don’t ask me why.
Don’t be surprised when another comes along
and stomps through your sand castle.
You can’t tell me you enjoy this
Enjoy being itemized.

Not weak
I am fragile
Not falling
I stumble
Uneasy twitchy
I feel your eyes
Looking analyzing
I am nervous
Aware of you
you and your judging
WHY?  Are you uncomfortable?
Restless in your own skin?
Does picking me apart
Focusing on the flaws
Make you happy
a subtle sense of satisfaction
AND WHO ARE YOU?
Oh, you don’t even know
That’s funny
Here, take a look
What do the eyes
staring back
Portray
What do they say?
Cut your flesh
Stab yourself
Does it feel good?
So why?
Why stab me?
The only
only one person
deserves your judgments
and that person
is you.

Night Li(f)e

Hiding in plain sight
What do you see?
The glare of illumination
Fear the dark
but crave nightfall
huh?
The search continues
another passes, fruitless
determination

It starts when it falls
Button the disguise
Cover the flaws
Speak the lies
Shovel the shit
In hope of instant
gratification

Fool the mirror
Can’t fool what’s inside
Hide it
Walk amongst them
Knowing its all lies
Brain dead
The truth is muffled
Sorrow is drowned
It’s all only temporary
The bliss will pass

The light returns
with it comes
the sound of the clap
Stuck in a constant state
of ache
Regret ails
Sorrow returns
Where did the bliss go?